Becoming Me: Introduction


“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving until I didn’t have to anymore.”                                                              ― Anne Lamott


None of us get to skip the grieving process. I know I didn’t. When I first truly realized that my marriage was over, my world fell apart. It seemed like everything was crashing in on me. I grieved…I cried. It seemed as if I was in permanent darkness. But I kept moving through the process. Step by step, little by little. I did the work of grieving. And then one day I realized that my grieving period was over. I had moved through it…and I had survived! Now I can say I am stronger and happier today than yesterday. I have more friends, more opportunities, and I am excited about what lies ahead. Whoever reads this, I feel you. The pain is REAL! It’s just not forever. I did the work of healing, you can too. Eventually, you find your way out of the mud, you stop crying, and realize you are free to live life on your own terms. There is light up ahead my friends…and let me tell you something, it’s beautiful!

When I talk to people who are in the grieving process, they ask the oft-uttered question, “Why? Why did God let this happen?” Even if God explained it, it would still hurt. It’s not about why…it did happen. So now what? Figuring that out is a part of the work you must do. There is more power inside of you than you realize. Faith activates that power. So…what are you going to do to get unstuck? That is up to you. You can’t control others. You can only control yourself.

You’ve often heard people say, when asked how they are doing, “I’m taking it one day at a time.” The issue with that is while we are taking it one day at a time, we have to make each day count! We have to maximize our moments! You may be crying right now, and that is okay. Crying can be a part of the grieving and healing process. You can cry while you build a new life…but build you MUST. You owe it to yourself not to give up!

This is what I have discovered, self-care is crucial during the healing process. Even if it is just one act of self-care a day. Try one new thing a day. Go somewhere different, experiment with a new look you never would have dared to try before, even trying new cuisine can be a welcome change during this time. Reach to the people who love you, and don’t isolate yourself. Isolation can be the enemy while you are grieving. Making new friends, and connecting with people who are living their best lives, can be a continuous source of inspiration for you. Read edifying books, listen to inspirational music, read the Bible. The scriptures will be illuminated in a new way to you, and can speak to your grief and pain, and offer comfort and healing. Pray and spend time with the Lord, and when you do, don’t just talk, listen. During this process, you must care for yourself in ways that you have neglected for too long, or perhaps in ways you never have before. I know the road ahead is daunting, but it is your road now, your life! I truly believe that the rest of your life is going to be the best of your life. I’m excited for the new possibilities that lie ahead for you, for us all!


  • James Clark

    Love this statement, “Even if God explained it, it would still hurt.” Somethings we just don’t need to know, we just muse grow through it. Congratulations

    • Damele

      This is so true. So many times we want to know why! It is not in the why that I have found grace, but in the Who. The Who is God, and it is He who allows us to grow through pain, in order to be better.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.